put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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