i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Randomize
