he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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