Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
