you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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