I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
