I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
