all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
