Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
