i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
