he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
