i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
it's like iHOP with fire
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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