How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
