I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
