It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
