I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Be still, my beating vagina.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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