You're so nebulous sometimes
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
