But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
