Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
