I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
