i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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