y did u give ur computer a hand job?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
