so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
