Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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