8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
