im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
People in love make me want to vomit
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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