I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize