C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
