Can i not drive my cunt home
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
