I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
