It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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