Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
