i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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