You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize