I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
