apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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