I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
