its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
