i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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