yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
