forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize