So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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