I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
