reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
