Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
