I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
