He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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