there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
