I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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