Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
we should paint friendship bongs
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