You can't motorboat a personality
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He has the fingertips of a God
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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