i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
