There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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