They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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