Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
