if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
