explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
