Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
