Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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