tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
