a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
