Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
