my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
i think im in europe. pls send help
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
