I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
