just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
