brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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