Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
