he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
